Tag Archives: artificial sweetener

Black Coffee

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I hate black coffee. And yes, there is more than a slight hint of crybaby in that. I would say that I have joined the ranks of millions this spring who are trying to lose weight, but the reality is that I have been part of it for 2 years. I don’t have a lot to lose, but lets just say my waist has become quite adept at ‘pantsing’ me when I bend over, walk, breathe…

Sadly, I’m not very good at it. Losing weight I mean. But I am DAMN good at gaining it. Here’s one of my problems though.

I think I’m giving something up to lose a few pounds (i.e. sugar, fats, carbs) but in reality, I am pretty sure I make up for it in some other way. A beer you say? Oh, no, I mustn’t , because it’s one of the things I have given up to lose weight. A piece of cake with a healthy dollop of frosting? Well bring it on!! I gave up beer, so one piece won’t hurt! And I deserve it! (do you happen to have ice cream as well?)

And getting back to the coffee. I have had my coffee with cream and sugar for thousands of years. Right now I’m trying to cut carbs, so of course I am drinking it with no sugar. Or cream. Because having it with cream and no sugar is worse than black coffee. But I hate black coffee. And it’s making me grouchy. So is being hungry.

It’s not like I am unwilling to give up some things to get the job done. I have gained and lost before, but I am my own worst enemy when it comes to dieting. Maybe that little sense of entitlement holds me down.  (“Wahhh, I want sugar! I want chocolate!”)

I don’t think I’ve ever met a kid that was a bigger crybaby about anything. Seriously.

Another problem is I exercise my ass off (obviously not literally or I wouldn’t be whining right now) And I don’t lose much more than 5-7 pounds.

The artificial sweeteners taste like artificial sweeteners (and by that I mean to say they taste like shit with sugar sprinkled on it. (*disclaimer- I have never eaten shit, but I am pretty sure it tastes like artificial sweetener) So that’s no help.

Eat healthy foods!  I try, I swear to God I do, but that damn sugar is hiding in eeeeeeverything!!!  And if it’s not sugar, it’s corn syrup.

Nothing like 4 bites of a teensy weensy can of creamy yogurt swimming in a swill of high fructose corn syrup! So filling! So satisfying! Yea, that’s not going to help either.

Fresh veggies, I can have all I want! But I’m not a frigging rabbit, and although I don’t mind vegetables, I’m literally starving after an hour.

So here’s my new diet plan. From now on, I am going to eat a whole chicken and drink 2 cans of beer every other Monday. I won’t even guarantee that I will cook the chicken first, but I will certainly pluck it. And some fucking vegetables. Some yummy, fucking vegetables. All I can eat.

And black coffee.

I have declared war on fat!  Pretty sure I know who is going to win this one though. Because I hate black coffee.