Tag Archives: manners

Like taking Candy from a Crabass

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You know how I’m the unlucky dog who gets bad food and bad service at restaurants, wrong food at same, get stuck behind shitty drivers, slow drivers, asshole drivers, morons in grocery stores, Christians jumping on my porch screaming at me….?

Well, I get a lot of guff from people now and then, because they think I should be more forgiving. I disagree.

If you lived a few weeks of my life, you would see that it’s truly not me.

I have had some shit happen to me the last few weeks, and I decided to expect better, and it changed…..well, not a goddamn thing. Shit still happens to me.

My husband took me out for my birthday recently. On our way to the casino, we stopped for a burger. Guess what? Mine was spoiled meat.

No, I’m not saying smelled funny, maybe kinda off, no. I’m saying  it was a “someone in the kitchen reached into the back of the (I’m guessing not cold fridge) and found a long forgotten patty and decided to fry it up” kind of spoiled. An ‘I took one bite and spit it out’ kind of spoiled.

I quietly called the server over and relayed the problem. She loudly disagreed with me, took the plate to the kitchen, then came back out and told me there was nothing wrong with it, she had been serving burgers all day.

So this told me one of two things:

1. I was an idiot, and after having been a cook and person who eats for more than 30 years, I had no idea what spoiled meat looked, smelled or tasted like.

2. This was how their beef tastes at that particular establishment. Like spoiled meat.

I won’t go back, but do you see how this is the kind of shit that follows me?

No?

Well guess what got me thinking about this. Go ahead, guess.

I’m eating a Tootsie roll Pop just now, first one out of the bag, cherry because it’s my favorite. I just held it up to the light coming into the window. Guess whats not in it?

Yup. No tootsie roll.

This is the shit that happens to me.

‘Christians’ and dogs

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I just read a great post about assholes and their religion pushing, baby waking ways. You can find it here –

http://thediaryofareluctantmother.com/2012/04/04/when-religion-comes-calling/#comment-254

I shared this story with the awesome blogger, and thought I would share it with you.  It is merely one of the  many instances that make up the story of my life, and most likely contribute to my fairly piss poor attitude toward stupid people.

This a true story, I swear to God you can’t make this shit up.

I was once awakened in the wee hours of the morning by a woman who pulled into my driveway, and beat on my door, assuming the dogs running around in the road in front of my house were my dogs. I went to the door and politely let her know they were not my dogs. Then she decided she knew whose dogs they were and demanded that I put them in my car and take them to their owners.  Still in my pajamas because the silly bitch just woke me up,  I  told her to put them in her own car and deliver them if she was so worried about it.  She jumped up and down (I’m not joking) stomped her feet and screamed ‘Come ON!!! Be A CHRISTIAN!!!!!” And I replied, “YOU be a fking Christian” and I slammed the door in her face. If that’s how Christians act, I’ll continue on with my lapsed Catholic ways, and stay home from church, thanks. (and to be fair, Mr. Jackass let his dogs out all the time without watching them, they never got ran over, ran the neighborhood as they pleased, taking a crap wherever it suited them and trash can diving with reckless abandon,  so there’s another asshole  involved in this story. 4 more if you count the dogs too, but I’m pretty sure you have to train a dog to be an asshole.)

   I am assuming that this lovely lady saw the dogs in the road, and decided to exercise her ‘christian-ness’ by pulling in and  being a complete asshole when she came to understand that they weren’t mine and I wasn’t going to do anything to further her new agenda. She proceeded to climb up on a pedestal of holiness (because she was demanding that I ‘do the right thing’) and spew her ‘righteous anger’ at me because I refused to ‘do the right thing’ , the thing that was right in HER book.
The thing that was right in my book is the dumbass who let his dogs run free like horses from a burning barn should have come to get them. Or, I’ll do ya one better. He should have tied the damn things up if they were going to run all over hell again, a fact I’m sure he was well aware of when he opened the door to let them out. However, I never felt the need to go to his door in the early morning hours and stomp my feet and scream at him to ‘Come ON!!!    BE A RESPONSIBLE DOG OWNER!!!’
I have a big dog. I have taught him to stay in my yard. He is a good dog, because I accepted the responsibility to be a  dog owner, and train him in acceptable behavior. He doesn’t shit in other peoples yards, he doesn’t bite others, in fact he gets along well with anyone as long as they are nice to him. He is not annoying.  He doesn’t bark uncontrollably.
He was  taught not to jump on people,  he doesn’t beg or bug the shit out of others.
It’s a shame some people don’t teach  their children the same decency.
My dog is a better Christian than she was.