Monthly Archives: June 2012

Like taking Candy from a Crabass


You know how I’m the unlucky dog who gets bad food and bad service at restaurants, wrong food at same, get stuck behind shitty drivers, slow drivers, asshole drivers, morons in grocery stores, Christians jumping on my porch screaming at me….?

Well, I get a lot of guff from people now and then, because they think I should be more forgiving. I disagree.

If you lived a few weeks of my life, you would see that it’s truly not me.

I have had some shit happen to me the last few weeks, and I decided to expect better, and it changed…..well, not a goddamn thing. Shit still happens to me.

My husband took me out for my birthday recently. On our way to the casino, we stopped for a burger. Guess what? Mine was spoiled meat.

No, I’m not saying smelled funny, maybe kinda off, no. I’m saying ┬áit was a “someone in the kitchen reached into the back of the (I’m guessing not cold fridge) and found a long forgotten patty and decided to fry it up” kind of spoiled. An ‘I took one bite and spit it out’ kind of spoiled.

I quietly called the server over and relayed the problem. She loudly disagreed with me, took the plate to the kitchen, then came back out and told me there was nothing wrong with it, she had been serving burgers all day.

So this told me one of two things:

1. I was an idiot, and after having been a cook and person who eats for more than 30 years, I had no idea what spoiled meat looked, smelled or tasted like.

2. This was how their beef tastes at that particular establishment. Like spoiled meat.

I won’t go back, but do you see how this is the kind of shit that follows me?


Well guess what got me thinking about this. Go ahead, guess.

I’m eating a Tootsie roll Pop just now, first one out of the bag, cherry because it’s my favorite. I just held it up to the light coming into the window. Guess whats not in it?

Yup. No tootsie roll.

This is the shit that happens to me.